It would probably be better if you forgot about me

I swear I once was whole
so well put-together and in control
but now, I know, I might seem a bit distressed
atinybit desperate.. Pardon the mess.
I should’ve tidied up before we met.
yet
You remind me of what I’ve been avoiding.

Like my closet doors blew off their hinges
the moment when you walked in
skeletons akimbo, dancing nakedly around the room, even though I spent so long cleaning up
regretfully i fear i must admit
I just wasn’t ready to meet you yet.
yet
here you are
at my door

In these moments with you
I lose myself (somewhere inside me)
like I lose my keys (in my pockets)
or shoes (on my feet)
It would probably be better
if you forgot about me
It would soften the blow
and save us both
you should probably just let me go
there’s netflix and food on the stove
just lock up when you leave

but you stay
staring into the Sun
my eyes
in your eyes
setting the sky above us on fire
with broken shards, raining knives
and i like the feel of your
mirrored sword, cold steel
sharp edges pressed against my neck
you feel now how my blade cuts from within

An inevitable regret I already anticipate begins
my gaze turning your soul to stone
taking it personally when
damage I didn’t cause but feel
is my responsibility to heal
surfaces under the calm waters
of your perfect face

trusting in the safety of my promises,
these creatures hidden from sunlight
so long they evolved to thrive only
in abyssal darkness, these krakens
I had no part in creating but know
as though they were my own rush upwards
from the depths of you, now unburdened by
the original curse which banished them,
to meet this new enemy, this threat to their
festering sanctuary, to test the
impermanence of my unconditional love

These beasts I cannot defeat nor run from
stare out through your eyes and see my own
depth dwellers, my own monsters rise boldly
to challenge my own boundaries my own love
the safety I feel with myself and you, unwilling
to meet us both so deeply for the first time,
unable to allow this silent war between our dragons
turn, saying to me,
“Let’s play a game where I pretend
everything’s fine and you pretend
you believe me.”
then you leave
and never look back.

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