Idealism Hurts to Live

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Don’t feel sorry for me
I know what I want
I’m just too greedy
So don’t be good to me
I get real needy
Be good to you, I know
you got reasons to
act confused even though
pleasing you is hella easy,
even if you change the rules
your cards are always showing
I’ll keep listening, learning,
owning, and growing

We never step in
the same river twice
new water is always flowing
But you keep freezing
in ice that
melted last season
Those suspicious thoughts
crowd out your feelings
someday you’ll stop

overthinking
what you want and
come get it

Some sins are worth it
Some wars you win by giving in
Idealism hurts to live
Some doors open in
so stop pushing against it
and calling it patience
yield to your temptations
overcome
your own resistance
Death moves faster
than we can run
and more persistent

But fear traps us in icy pasts
no longer existant
Our holes get deeper when we dig
Hills get steeper calling them big
like climbing a building
like finding a feeling at the end
of some well-worn tunnel in your mind
Some wounds just won’t mend with time
The pain just grows stronger
the longer you pretend
it doesn’t hurt
These demon feelings
feed off believing
that they,
if only left alone,
eventually go away
on their own

Some hope is made of stone
the tighter you hold the more it
drags you down cold and alone
cold and colder
down unknown Abysses
fading darker shades of blackness
Some ships are sinking
Some thinking is sickness
It takes waking up repeatedly
blessed or cursed
each day determined to try
to face yourself first
and surrender immediately
It may not get better
But it can always
get worse.

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