Poem #72

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With you next to me
Life’s easy but moves too fast
I feel one breath behind myself
watching in third person
disembodied
like I’ll never catch up
to the ghost i see of me
living in the blissful
gratitude of the present moment

When you’re gone
I enjoy missing you
Like stoicly watching
from the curb
as i slowly burn down
sirens in the distance

Every time you leave
I forget about you
almost immediately
Just like waking up
still sleepy
feeling pretty sure something
just happened to me
but after
checking all my fingers
and toes and teeth
and finding my keys
I assume we were just a dream
or maybe I’m a dream now
or maybe both and I’ll wake up
entirely different someday soon

Every time you say goodbye
I assume it’s forever
And I cry forever
until i stop crying
because forever never lasts
as long as it should

Every time you walk away
I pretend it doesn’t hurt and
that I’ll be ok if you never come back
and i know everything will be but
I want to feel like you’re irreplaceable
and both are kinda true

Every time I see you
It’s a brand new mystery again
I remember the joy
of witnessing your youness
unfolding in real time
and remind myself that nothing
stays the same
except that feeling of
comfortably realizing it’s
out of my control
wondering
the permanent surprise.

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